Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post where we’ll take a look at some of the best and worst ways to catch a cheating spouse.
Disclaimer: Please note that in some states and countries, any or all of these methods may be illegal, so I highly recommend that you DO NOT use any method under any circumstances. This information is for general educational purposes only. For help with an individual situation, please contact us —the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest!
Before we get started, I think it’s worth mentioning that I believe the one person who shouldn’t be investigating whether a person is cheating is the cheater’s spouse.
Probably YOU if you’re reading this.
Well, first off you’re biased and emotionally involved. Relationships are built on trust. And when you’re invested in a relationship, you do not want anything to take away your feelings of comfort and security. You want to believe what your partner says to you. So, you won’t be looking at the evidence in the same way an outsider would.
Secondly, the signs of infidelity in any one individual can vary dramatically. This means you’ll constantly wonder if what you’re seeing and hearing means they’re having an affair. And you will be suspicious and paranoid as a result. If your partner is cheating, they’ll be highly attuned to your suspicious nature and take countermeasures to further conceal their affair.
OK, with that out of the way, let’s get stuck in…
#1 Technology Traps
I think the worst type of technology trap has to be installing some kind of spyware on your partner’s device. They’re usually highly unreliable. They either break the device in some way or show themselves to the device owner with an alert of some kind.
Some of the better technology trap methods include:
Phone records — if they’re stupid enough to phone and text their affair partner and the bill statement itemises their phone and text records, it’s fairly simple to catch them out.
Any app with messaging functionality — if you can access their devices, obvious apps to check are things like FB messenger, Snapchat and Kik. What you might not know is things like, “Words with Friends” and other “game apps” also include chat functionality. We find cheaters use these sorts of apps more prolifically than the obvious.
GPS Transmitters — attaching some kind of location tracking device to their person or vehicle will reveal the truth about their movements. You can find the same information from maps application history, previous destinations, and “find my friends” functionality.
Voice Activated Recorders/Movement Activated Cameras — if you suspect your spouse is cheating on you in a location you have access to (such as your home), then you could install some kind of spy gadget to catch them out.
#2 Playing Spy
Are you tempted to follow your spouse? What about getting your mum, brother/sister, or close friend to follow them? Bad idea. Unless they’re completely clueless, it will take them about 15 minutes to realise what’s going on.
When real spies do this, they use teams of people in combinations of sophisticated movement patterns. And even then this is a highly risky method with limited chances of success.
Don’t do it.
#3 Asking Friends Or Other Witnesses
Talking things through with a friend or neighbour and making a heartfelt plea to their good nature might initially seem like a good idea. It isn’t. It’s like all gossip — it usually makes its way out into the world. Either they let it slip in conversation, or even chat on social media, with other friends. Before long, your investigation will be known to your partner.
(In some instances, we’ve even had cases where the person our client confided in was the person who was cheating with their partner.)
#4 Talking With Your Partner
When people are confronted their natural instinct is to lie. Unless you already have the necessary (and irrefutable) evidence this is unlikely to produce reliable results. The only time this is likely to work, is if your spouse was already on the verge of cheating.
If they are cheating and deny it, all that will happen is they will tighten up their “security measures” to prevent you discovering what they’re up to.
Even worse, if they aren’t cheating, and you accuse them of doing so, it can cause bigcracks in your relationship.
Before you read the next few sentences, I want to point out that what I’m telling you to do isn’t because I’m a private investigator. It’s because it’s the right thing for you to do.
Private investigators are pros at uncovering cheaters. If you’re in a serious relationship, you will probably need irrefutable evidence that they’ve been up to no good. We’re talking about photographs, times, dates, locations, phone records, texts and other documentation. Once you’re given all of the evidence, the absolute worst place you can be is with your spouse when you finally know for sure. The reason? Because you’re likely to react emotionally — who wouldn’t?
We work with legal and financial partners who can advise you on the best course of action for your future. This next point I can’t stress enough — if there are children and assets involved, you really want to be making sound decisions for your future. You don’t want to have an emotional reaction that jeopardises any of that.
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Until next week,