Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post where we’re going to look at some of the best ways to spot lies in a cheating husband at the exact time the lies are being spoken.
I have mentioned previously, that on average we’re all exposed to hundreds of lies every single day. Most are unimportant. They’re simply other people’s ways of avoiding particular conversations. Think of the simple question, “How are you?” and the typical answer, “Fine, thanks!” (or something similar.) The person responding does not want to talk about the things that are really troubling them — and the person asking does not want to hear about them either.
When cheating husbands tell lies they do so for two main reasons — time and action. In other words, they have to cover up their fling, and invent stories about what’s taken up their time.
This means that one of the best ways to catch a cheating husband is to focus on his time. Where he says he’s been in the time you are apart. Keeping a journal is a good way of doing this. The only problem is that time tracking takes time to see results.
What most wives want is a way to know if their husbands are lying to them as soon as the lie is being told.
And that’s going to be our focus for today.
Disclaimer: This information is for general educational purposes only and may not apply to all situations — everyone is unique after all. For help with an individual situation, please contact us —the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest!
#1 Convincing Denial
Let’s kick off with the basics. Telling lies is extremely uncomfortable for most people — including cheating husbands. So, if you ask him a direct question you should listen for a direct answer.
You ask, “Did you XXXX?”
This type of question should have a yes or no answer. Sure, he may say something like, “Yes but…” and then qualify the reasons for his actions.
If instead, he dances around the denial, with answers such as, “I would never do that,” or, “Not really,” then you are probably listening to lies.
Another way a cheating husband will attempt to avoid a direct denial is by convincing you of his worth. “I’m a good husband, I work hard to keep us, I love you and the children…blah…blah…blah…”
But he still hasn’t directly answered the original question.
We see these types of verbal responses in surprisingly high numbers in our investigations.
#2 Delay Rays
Bear with me on this one, it’s one of the best analogies I can come up with to help you spot a liar…
When I was a kid I was a huge Star Wars fan — and it’s why I call this next set of liar tactics “delay rays.”
If you’ve seen any of the movies, you’ll know there’s always “laser rays” being shot everywhere and being countered by other “laser rays” of some sort.
Now imagine two people having a conversation and as each person speaks a laser ray goes from one person to the other. Upon receiving a laser ray the receiver sends back their own laser ray (the next part of the conversation) and so on.
Well, when two people are having a conversation and both are telling the truth, the laser rays take turns passing from one person to another. This is the natural flow of the conversation.
Liars can’t have a natural conversation in this way because they are having to invent stories about how they spent their time, who they were with and so on. They need time to think about what they’re going to say.
So, liars use “delay rays” to get the time they need.
- You ask a question (send a ray) and they ask you to repeat the question (deflect your ray.)
- You ask a question (send a ray) and they use unnatural pauses such as umm..er… etc… (delay your ray.)
Get the idea?
#3 Stop Reaction
So far we’ve looked at two ways to instantly spot a liar by what they say and how they say it. Both are extremely reliable indicators of lying and can be used face-to-face or over the phone.
Now let’s move on to the body language cues you can look for.
The first one we’ll take a look at, I call the “Stop Reaction.”
When someone tells a big lie their freeze response usually kicks in (from the natural tendencies of the fight, flight, or freeze.) They are unnaturally still and stiff. If they make any movements they often appear jerky and unnatural too.
Well, have you ever been told something and got the feeling that the other person is watching you carefully to see what your reaction is?
That’s what I call the, “Stop Reaction.” And when we observe this in our cheating husband cases, it’s a combination of the freeze response and too much interest in the wife’s reaction.
#4 Liars’ Lips
The lips of liars provide an abundance of information. (In fact, if you’re new to lie-spotting I’d recommend looking at the lips before looking at someone’s eyes.)
There are two things to look for to spot a cheating husband’s lie.
- The pursing of the lips is common because of a dry mouth. The purse action helps to moisten the lips. Highly common.
- Lip biting — the obvious sign of nervousness. It’s often “seen” when the other person doesn’t think you’re looking.
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Until next week,