Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post where I’ll aim to help you answer the question, “Is My Husband Having An Affair?”
First things first. If you’re reading this, then I can safely assume something has triggered some kind of gut instinct reaction deep in your belly which is whispering (or maybe urgently warning you) that something is wrong in your marriage. That your life long partner may actually be up to no good.
I understand that’s not a good place to be so let’s start by caveating this post with this single truth…
There is no secret formula to discovering if your spouse is having an affair.
There’s a very real possibility your husband could be displaying all the signs of infidelity for other reasons besides cheating. On the flip side, he could have been having affairs for years with multiple women and never shown a single sign of cheating or deception.
So, while I’m going to give you what I consider to be the very best advice to discover the truth, it’s important you heed the disclaimer below.
Disclaimer: This information is for general educational purposes only and may not apply to all situations — everyone is unique after all. For help with an individual situation, please contact us —the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest!
#1 What’s Triggering Your Gut Instinct?
The first question you should ask yourself is what exactly is triggering your gut instinct. Why are you feeling the way you are about your marriage?
You need to work out the specific things he’s doing or saying, that are creating the spark of distrust.
In my post, 4 Common “Triggers” Of Gut Instinct When A Husband Cheats, I recommend you keep a journal. This will help you iron out the details.
#2 Don’t Overlook The Obvious But Don’t Assume He’s Stupid Either
Husbands who have a drunken one night stand are a far cry from a married man who is having an affair.
The one-night stand guy may very well come home with a condom wrapper in his pocket, stinking of her perfume, and lipstick on his collar but the serious affair guy won’t.
The affair guy will be approaching this with military precision.
He will have set up sophisticated ways to communicate with the other woman. He’ll be siphoning money to places you don’t know about (a second bank account?) so he can pay for dinners and hotels without worry.
He’ll have built routines into his life and your marriage that you already accept as part and parcel of the times you’re away from each other.
Sure, you may catch him out by something as obvious as the one-night stand guy if he slips up — but this is highly unlikely.
#3 The Semi-Obvious Clues
Here’s the list of changes in behaviour some men display when they’re having an affair. It’s not an exhaustive list, and these signs are only usually displayed in the earlier stages of an affair.
- Changes in appearance
- New grooming habits
- Buying new clothes
- Working much more than usual for an extended period with no reason
- New mannerisms
- Increase or decrease in sexual appetite with you
- Emotional distance from you
- Mood swings
- Signs of guilt
- Signs of deception
- Changes in body language
#4 The Husband Who’s Having A “Professional Affair”
A “professional affair” is an affair where your spouse has everything in place so your suspicions are never aroused. This guy is seriously good at compartmentalisation and deception.
I’ve investigated cases where husbands have carried on their infidelity for years without their wives ever suspecting a thing.
Usually, the marriage is good. You’ll spend quality time together. You’ll feel emotionally and sexually intimate. Both of you would say you have a great marriage.
So, if you’re in this situation and your gut instinct has kicked in, there’s only one way to approach things.
You must keep a journal of everything. What you’re looking for are all the times you and your husband are apart from each other and the reason why.
It doesn’t matter how innocuous the reason seems. For example, I’ve heard of guys pretending to have ongoing medical appointments to make time for their affair.
Keeping a journal this way will do one of two things. You’ll either realise it’s highly unlikely he’s cheating. Or you’ll still have suspicions.
Still got suspicions? Call and speak with our senior investigators and find out for sure.
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Until next week,