It’s natural for women in long-term relationships to fear infidelity, and there are too many stories out there to believe it can never happen to you.
Before you start calling him whenever he’s working late or out for drinks with the boys, check to see if his behaviour is truly suspicious. That’s where the Elite Investigations expertise comes in. Our private investigators have seen it all, and there are some sure signs that he’s up to something.
1. He’s being extra secretive.
Why would he take private phone calls, or delete his text and call history, unless there’s something to hide? Unless your partner works for ASIO, there’s no reason he can’t take the boss’ call with you in earshot.
If he’s hiding where he’s been and who he’s been talking to, and it’s not a week from your 30th birthday or significant anniversary, then he may be dallying outside your relationship.
The real key is whether he’s being more secretive than usual. If he’s normally a relaxed kind of guy who never clears his inbox, then a change in behaviour has to have a reason. If he runs into the next room every time his phone buzzes, it might be time to worry. Worse, if he’s deleting messages as soon as he sends them, something is probably going on.
And while it’s normal to clear the browser history to hide late-night porn, unless he usually does this, a naked browser history is another worrying sign. It’s also not normal to maintain multiple emails or social media accounts; compartmentalising his life and having an identity that’s not shared with you is a strong indication of an affair.
2. His appearance has changed.
He normally wears the same shirt for days, and hasn’t used his gym membership in months. Now he’s suddenly hitting the gym three times a week, and has gone shopping on his own for some sharp new shirts. A haircut used to be an ordeal, but now he has a new hairdresser and is actually using product – all signs he wants to impress someone, and it isn’t you. And the new designer boxer shorts are definitely out of the ordinary.
3. He’s busier socially.
His idea of a good time used to be sitting on the couch watching the footy. Now he’s going for runs every morning with Gary, or going out weeknights with a new set of friends. If there’s a specific person he’s spending a lot of time with – such as a colleague, an old friend, or just a casual acquaintance – you want to know more about this person. Especially if it’s a woman, or if ‘Gary’ is someone he used to hate, and you don’t actually lay eyes on the guy.
This also relates to your own social life. If your partner is now avoiding spending time with you and your friends, begging off gatherings and activities to instead catch up on work, then he could easily be seeing another person while you’re busy with your friends.
4. He’s always away.
Instead of a busy social life, many cheating men use work as their excuse. Work doesn’t have to corroborate a story, so it’s the perfect alibi. If he never used to work late, and hasn’t been recently promoted, why does he have to work late every night?
Drinks after work are a great excuse to come home late smelling of beer. But he doesn’t usually go out so much with his work friends. Is there something wrong at work, or is there another reason?
When work is being demanding, it’s easy for workplace romances to develop, when you’re spending a lot of time with a person who gets what you’re going through and can make those tedious hours bearable. If you know your man has trouble keeping his work relationships purely professional, this could spell a problem.
5. Where has the sex gone?
If he usually wants it every night, but now he’s happy to roll over and sleep without even a cuddle, something is wrong. Sometimes couples have dry patches after an argument, or through poor communication, but this shouldn’t go on without some explanation. If he’s suddenly coming up with strange excuse, like being ‘too tired’ on the weekend or having ‘too much work’ to do at night, this is an issue that needs to be tackled, even if there’s not another woman involved.
The bottom line is, any change in behaviour must have a reason, and if you can’t see an obvious one, it’s time to dig deeper. And the thing is, you don’t want to suddenly change your own behaviour. Hiring a private investigator is a safe way to allay your fears, if the signs are saying that your man up to something, and he’s not being honest with you. A private investigator offers you completely discrete research to help you get back in control of your relationship.