Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post where we’ll take a closer look at some common verbal slip-ups we often notice in a cheating husband.
Whenever we’re asked to carry out surveillance for a potential cheating situation, we use many tricks of the trade to help us reach a conclusion. Of course, we have to provide proof to our client — usually in the form of images and video — but we make use of body language and verbal clues to help us determine whether cheating is likely.
For that reason, we aim to record as much audio as we possibly can. Then we review those recordings and look for clues to cheating. The four verbal slip-ups listed below are the most common ones we hear when a man is having some kind of affair.
Disclaimer: This information is for general educational purposes only and may not apply to all situations — everyone is unique after all. For help with an individual situation, please contact us or use the live chat feature [when available] on this page—the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest.
#1 The Double Question Technique
One common technique that many cheating husbands use is the double question technique. People in general do not like to come out and tell straight out lies — especially to people that they care about.
And so if your man is doing the dirty behind your back, you are much more likely to hear him answer your questions with another question — hence it being called, “The Double Question Technique.”
You: Where have you been?
Him: Where do you think I’ve been. You know I have a heap of work on at the moment.
You: Have you been with “insert her name”?
Him: Why would you think that?
You: Have you cheated on me?
Him: Do you really think I’d be that stupid?
If you listen, you’ll hear these “question answers” every time someone is lying to you — whether it’s to do with cheating or not.
#2 Avoiding Outright Lies
There are other ways that men who cheat attempt to avoid lying to their partner. One of the main ways is to use weak language when they describe things to you while broaching a subject they’re uncomfortable with.
It’s all to do with the lack of specifics when choosing their words. A man who is lying will say things like: that’s about the size of it, I suppose, I guess, sort of, mainly, about, kind of, more or less, I figure, I think.
Subconsciously, by not making statements of outright certainty, he will feel like they can later back down from what they have told you without it coming off as a complete lie. He can claim he never told you “for sure.”
#3 Too Much Information
The way that our memories work is truly amazing. We can hear on the radio and instantly be transported to a completely different time and place.
This is because as we experience the events in our life the sounds, smells, feelings and emotions are “recorded” as part of the memory. And so the way we recall events is by replaying the experience in our minds.
When we talk about something from our past, we describe it by replaying it from our memory.
Because of how our mind works, we often include some details that have no real bearing on the conversation. How we were feeling, what happened just before this, what we’d just been talking about, and so on.
If the person we’re talking with asks us a question, we look for the answer within our memory experience. Usually we can be extremely specific when questioned in this way.
The problem for a cheating husband is that he has to lie about where he’s been and what he’s experienced. None of the small details are available to him because he’s telling you a lie.
One of two things will happen…
The first is that there will be no extra details. He’s afraid that if he makes up the small details, then later on he runs the risk of being caught out. Either he might not remember the stuff he made up, or you might discover a small detail wasn’t true, which would then discredit his entire story.
The second is that you will hear a convoluted and rehearsed story about exactly what happened. It will be full of small details that are way too descriptive compared with how normal people talk. In other words, there will be far too much information — but if you ask a question about something, he will struggle to answer with any new information.
#4 What’s On His Mind
As much as we all like to think that we’re unique, the truth is that we’re highly predictable creatures. And whatever is on our minds will show in our words and actions.
For this reason a cheating husband, whose mind will naturally be thinking about his cheating and likely feeling guilty, will often accuse his wife of cheating. It will feel to you like it’s come out of nowhere. But for him, it will be the natural result of what’s happening in his life.
We see what we want to see in a situation.
Here’s an example:
You were late home from work because you stopped and had a drink with a work colleague. All completely innocent. You can say where you’ve been, who you were with, and all the small details. When you get home, he asks where you’ve been. You tell him you stopped and had a drink with Sheila at work before you came home. Then he accuses you of cheating.
Why would he naturally jump to that conclusion?
What we say and how we say it reveals a lot about the state of our mind at any given time. Do you suspect something is off when your husband talks with you? If you notice any (or all) of these 4 common verbal slip-ups, give us a call and we’ll be happy to investigate for you.
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Until next week,