Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post where we’ll be taking a look at how to spot the signs of an untrustworthy person.
One of our popular services is our private background check service. We take a deep dive into your new partner’s background and make sure everything is OK before you get too far into the commitment. Often we’re called out by a concerned parent or another relative. But sometimes we get called out by the person who is ready to take the relationship to the next level. And the most commonly cited reason for using this service is a gut feeling about their partner being untrustworthy.
How Is Trust Formed?
Trust is the bond of all relationships. It starts way back in our early formative years. How we grow to perceive trust, and the value we place in it depends mainly on our childhood. We either get trust as a reinforced value or learn how to “game” trust to get what we want. If we discover other people can’t be trusted at an early age, then we have no confidence nor value in trust.
And because trust is the basis of all our relationships from the time we are born, it is woven deeply into our psyches. And for this reason, it’s ridiculously difficult ever to change how we value trust. People are either trustworthy or not.
As I have discussed in many other private eye posts, we all regularly lie to each other. White lies, hiding the motivations behind our actions and avoiding embarrassment by truth omission. We all do these things daily.
But I’m talking about entering the biggest danger zone of them all. Is the person you’re considering spending your life with someone who sees trust as something they can use against you? Something they can use to manipulate the truth to serve their own purposes without any regard for the impact it will have on you, your family and your friends?
Let’s have a look at 4 colossal warning signs…
Disclaimer: This information is for general educational purposes only and may not apply to all situations — everyone is unique after all. For help with an individual case, please contact us or use the live chat feature [when available] on this page—the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest!
#1 The Friends And Family Engagement
It’s always a nail-biter. The time where you meet each other’s friends and family. What will they think of him? Will they like her?
There’s a couple of things to look for here. If your new man seems like he wants to meet your friends, makes an effort to “impress” them, and values the time with them, these are all good signs. He knows your friends and family are important to you, and so they’re important to him too.
If he’s not a trustworthy person or is trying to hide something, then he will not feel comfortable among a group of people with your best interests at heart. He may have fooled you—after all, love is blind—but he stands far less chance fooling your friends and family. They will naturally assess him as a suitable partner for you. And because they’re not looking through rose-tinted glasses, a good sign is if your friends and family like him, and consider him trustworthy.
#2 Looping You In
When a guy is trustworthy, he will keep you in the loop as to what’s going on in his life. Especially when he’s out socially without you. It means he’s got you on his mind and feels that he’s part of a relationship team.
I’m not saying he has to be on a leash and inform you of every move he makes. But if he goes out with his mates and he’s going to be back much later than expected a quick text is just courtesy.
At its core this a real show of love and empathy, which is why it’s such a good sign of trust. You wouldn’t let someone you love worry about you unnecessarily. And the reason is that you wouldn’t want them to do it to you if you were in their shoes. Deep eh?
#3 Self Liars
We’re all naturally attracted to people who seem larger than life. Or have an air of mystery about them. Or we perceive to be exciting and full of vigour. In other words, we’re attracted to people who seem to be more than they really are.
The problem is when the apple of our eye sees themselves in ways that are wildly different from reality. It’s one of the most common behaviours of an untrustworthy person—they are entirely disconnected from the impact their actions are having. For example, if your new man thinks he’s easy-going and chilled out, but every time you’re together, he makes a scene of some sort, this is a huge disconnect.
Run for the hills if your new partner is like this.
#4 Breach Breach Breach
Can he keep a secret? If he can’t, then it should be a huge red flag.
How someone treats confidentiality says everything about how they genuinely value trust. Trust, like confidentiality, is a sacred bond. It’s super easy to spot this one because your new partner will tell you things that were obviously said to them in confidence. Without respect for confidentiality, there is no hope for trust.
The basis of all relationships is trust. Does your new partner manipulate the confidence they’re given to serve their own purposes? If they do, then it’s highly unlikely they value trust, and you should seriously question whether this person is someone you want to be around, let alone spend your life with.
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Until next week,