Is He “Friend Flirting” Or Seriously “Testing The Water”?

Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post, where I’m going to cover the signs that the friendly and flirtatious banter he’s enjoying with your friend, is actually his way of testing the water, to see if she’s interested in hooking up. And then progressing to cheating on you as a full-blown affair.

Disclaimer: This information is for general educational purposes only and may not apply to all situations — everyone is unique after all. For help with an individual situation, please contact us or use the live chat feature [when available] on this page—the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest!

#1 Touchy Feely

The amount of touching a guy does during a conversation will depend on his personality, his social attitude and how extrovert he is. Different strokes for different blokes, so to speak. So you must establish a touch baseline first. Now compare that to how often he’s touching the friend you think he’s flirting with. If it’s more frequent than his baseline behaviour, then it’s more likely a case of him testing the water. This is especially more likely to be the case if you’re in a group of friends, and he’s only touching “her” more frequently.

#2 Inside Jokes

Inside jokes are reserved for those people we have a deeper relationship with. Something beyond a casual acquaintance. When we spend time with people, we often forge stronger relationships through shared experiences, and inside jokes often form a large part of this bonding. Watch and see if he’s “trying too hard” to create these bonds with your friend, at the exclusion of you and your other friends. It’s a surefire sign that there’s intent in his flirting.

#3 Feet First

It sounds crazy, but the most natural thing in the world is to point towards where we want to go. It’s instinctive. So, if you’re talking to your man, and his feet are pointing towards “her”, then something is definitely “afoot,” in his mind at least.

#4 Best Boyfriend Ever

Whenever she comes round to your place, your boyfriend becomes superman. He’s attentive, affectionate, and gets up to make drinks, fetch snacks and won’t let you lift a finger to help. It seems like you have the best boyfriend ever. But who is he trying to impress with this performance? If he’s not usually like this then it must be your friend. Is he trying to show her how devoted he is to you, or is he trying to show her that he’s perfect boyfriend material?


Friendly banter is one thing, but beware when the signs point to him having more sinister intentions. One way to break things up, is to limit the amount of contact you and your boyfriend have with your friends. Why not meet up with them alone, and have some girlie chats instead?

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Until next week,