Steve here, and in this week’s private eye post we take a look at the body language of husbands who cheat.
Body language is the term given to the unconscious movements we all have when we talk. Touching your nose. Turning your feet towards someone. Folding your legs. We all do it, and it’s tough to ‘lie’ with your body language. As private investigators, being able to interpret these signals is a vital part of our work.
Most women report to us that they feel something is ‘wrong.’ Their gut instinct has kicked in. They can’t quite put their finger on why they feel this way.
It’s more than likely your spouse’s body language which is giving you these feelings.
Warning: You should view body language in clusters of signals and not in isolation. You’re looking for changes in body language as a response to an ‘input.’
Here’s how the police do this when interviewing a suspect. They’ll ask a series of questions – your name, address, etc. – to establish a body language baseline. Later they ask questions about the purported crime. Then they’ll look back over the camera footage for signs of lying in the changes of body language.
Let’s go through the main signals you can look for:
#1 – Space
Does your husband seem to walk out of the room whenever you come in, or shortly thereafter?
If you can’t talk with him then he won’t have to lie – that’s what’s going on here.
You might find it hard to pick up on as your man will make an excuse to leave which feels completely natural.
He has to go to the toilet. He’s going to fix a drink. He’s going to get a snack.
Any of these on their own are nothing to cause concern. But if your husband no longer shares space with you when you’re alone together, consistently over time, you should ask yourself why.
#2 – Touch
Couples who are in love touch each other throughout the day. A brushing of hands. A caressing hug. Little strokes of intimate reassurance.
Have these disappeared? Or reduced significantly?
If they have this could signal a Sex + Emotional affair.
(This is unlikely to happen in a Sex Only Affair. You can read about the two different types of affair in my post on hidden signs of cheating)
#3 – Change In Facial Colour
Does your man’s face seem particularly redder than usual? Does it seem much paler? This signals a feeling of guilt. Whether it’s an affair or something else, there’s no mistaking this when you notice it.
(Obviously, if your guy has just walked into a hot room on a cold day, don’t go jumping to conclusions.)
#4 – Limited Physical Movement
Liars mistakenly believe if they don’t move they can’t give off any signals. So not moving as much is a good sign that someone is hiding something from you.
#5 – Hiding Palms Of The Hands
If you look at a child lying, you’ll notice that they hide their hands. This is the adult version. (Some adults will still hide their hands like a child.)
Think sitting on your hands, placing the palms against the side of the legs, or putting hands in pockets. (These all restrict movement too!)
#6 – Feet Turned Away From You
Our feet are our travel mechanism, and we point them in the direction we want to go. It’s a unconscious and instinctive habit humans have. If he’s talking with you but turns his feet towards the door, then he wants to get away and go through the door.
#7 – Touching Their Nose, Mouth, Face Or Neck More Often
When young children lie, they cover their mouth. Again, this is the adult version. What’s happening is this. When your husband lies, he’ll move his hand to cover his mouth. But as adults, we instinctively know we’ll give ourselves away, so he’ll touch his nose or stroke his face instead.
Congruency and Soothing Behaviours
The essence of body language and lying can be distilled to these two signs.
Congruency – is what he is talking about matching with his body language. If not why not?
Soothing behaviour – we literally ‘stroke’ ourselves to soothe ourselves. We do this naturally when we’re uncomfortable. If your conversation is making him uncomfortable, again ask yourself why?
If you pick up on cheating body language, you may wish to use our cheating spouse service and find out for sure. The initial call is completely free and may be all you need to put your mind at rest.
Until next week.