Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post where we’ll be taking a look at the signs of cheating guilt that we see often being displayed by an unfaithful partner.
Before we start, let’s talk about some of the psychology behind cheating, so that the displayed behaviours can be more easily understood.
Why do people cheat?
In an article published by Psychology Today, Dr. Robert Weiss discusses research which suggests that cheating makes people feel good because they are “getting away with it.” Cheats believe, “what they don’t know won’t hurt them,” and they universally feel they aren’t causing any harm.
And that this “getting away with it,” has a pleasurable, dopaminergic effect, somewhat akin to taking cocaine or methamphetamine.
He says, “That would certainly help explain the fact that people who engage in sexual infidelity rarely do so only once. In fact, most do it repeatedly until they’re caught (and often continue doing it even after they’ve been caught).”
It seems, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” is valid.
Do cheats feel guilty, then?
If Dr. Weiss’s research holds true—cheaters feel good about their affairs, and don’t believe they’re doing any harm—does the cheat ever feel guilty?
The rush and excitement of an affair triggers a cascade of hormones—adrenaline, cortisol, testosterone are the main ones—which help add to the dopamine high.
But then the cheat has to come home and put on an act like nothing’s wrong. He has to invent reasons for his behaviour. He has to falsely account for his time.
And this “fakeness” combined with the ever-increasing web of lies can cause a heap of stress. Stress also causes the body to release hormones—adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones are designed to physically and mentally put our “systems” on high alert. They also make us more emotionally “up and down.”
Stress manifests in a number of ways. And when your spouse is emotionally unbalanced, he’s likely to feel bad about mistreating you. Commonly, we observe cheats displaying more signs of anxiety, anger, sadness and more generally, “being on edge.”
And it’s not the affair they usually feel guilty about. It’s their behaviour. That they have to lie to you. That they’re emotionally different.
Now, let’s take a look at some of the signs of cheating guilt and how this all fits together.
Disclaimer: This information is for general educational purposes only and may not apply to all situations — everyone is unique after all. For help with an individual situation, please contact us —the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest!
#1 Me Good, You Good
Many cheating husbands want their wives to feel as good as they do. He’s spent the afternoon enjoying his “dopamine high” cheating with “her.”
He wants you to feel good too. So, what does he do? On his way home, he buys you a gift—flowers or chocolates are the cliches—because that will be a nice surprise won’t it?
#2 Changing Tastes
This one is going to sound a little weird…
When our body releases stress hormones, we increase our blood sugar levels and temporarily prevent fat storage. Eventually, high amounts of insulin are released to reverse this effect, and the long-term result is poor blood sugar management and increased belly fat.
But in the short-term, you might notice some peculiar dietary or lifestyle changes. Lots of my cheating partner investigations clients have reported their husbands began eating more junk food, especially late at night. Some began drinking more frequently.
#3 Yawn, Yawn
Hormones racing. Emotions in turmoil. A web of guilt-ridden lies cast over bursts of dopamine highs.
The cheater’s body is certainly not in a relaxed and balanced state. And this can make it difficult for the cheat to get a restful sleep.
So, if he’s developed unusual sleep patterns and always seems tired, then you should seek to understand the causes behind the change. If you can’t find the reason, it’s usually because he’s hiding something from you.
#4 Taxing Times
Following on from the lack of proper sleep, when we don’t sleep properly we become more stressed, we eat more, and we can become lethargic and lazy.
In my experience, cheating husbands always seem to struggle to do much at all. When they think no-one is watching, they look like they’re carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
Follow us on Facebook for more information on signs of cheating guilt, and how to get help if you think you need to.
Until next week,