Hey there, Steve here and welcome to this week’s private eye post where we’ll be taking a look at how you can spot if your wife is cheating by what she does (and doesn’t) say.
Before we get started, I think it’s important to remind ourselves that everyone has differing opinions of what constitutes cheating. The reason I attach this caveat is because women, much more so than men, are likely to cheat emotionally before an affair turns physical. And women who are carrying on an emotional affair are just as likely to give off these verbal signs of cheating.
OK, let’s dive in…
Disclaimer: This information is for general educational purposes only and may not apply to all situations — everyone is unique after all. For help with an individual situation, please contact us —the first call is free, and we may just be able to put your mind at rest!
#1 The Missing Words
One of the commonest ways to tell if a relationship is going downhill is to look at the communication between the two parties. It’s exactly the same in a marriage. If your wife used to share everything with you — her day-to-day life, how she feels about things, what she’s planning in future — but now hardly engages in conversation with you, then there’s something terribly wrong. Especially if she hops on her phone and speaks to someone else about this stuff. She’s getting her emotional needs fulfilled elsewhere.
Another set of MIA words are the ones which complain about you or something you did or didn’t do. If she’s cheating, she’ll be happy and won’t nag you for things she used to because she doesn’t want to rock the boat.
Everyone knows it’s healthy for a relationship to spend some time away from your partner, right?
But if she always seems to be telling you she’s going “somewhere”, and it seems your wife is choosing others over you, then it’s a real cause for concern. Her always going “somewhere” can be during the day as well as the nighttime.
One common cheating excuse is going out with the girls — so if she’s ramped up this type of activity, you should hire an investigator to check things out for you.
(Of course, an infrequent “girls night” or the occasional after-work drinks, shouldn’t be any issues.)
“It’s not really your thing.”
“You wouldn’t like it.”
“They aren’t your sort of people.”
“You’ll find it boring.”
Does your wife seem to hang out with a lot of other people and never want you to come along? (Or even just one person?) She is likely insistent there’s a good reason for it to be just her. It’s more likely to be emotional than physical cheating at this stage, but it’s a huge red flag.
If you couple this with her spending more time with other people (or this other person) than she ever does with you, your marriage is in crisis. Especially if she values their time over yours by dropping her plans with you to accommodate their meet-up requests.
#4 “Compared With”
Take a typical young boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. When the girl becomes interested in someone else, it’s not uncommon for her to mentally “size-up” her two potential mates. She’s effectively weighing up the pros and cons. But there’s a big problem for her current boyfriend. The girl sees his good and bad, while her newfound crush is in some kind of unattainable fantasy stage. And when this happens, she’ll start saying things to her current boyfriend which compares him with this newfound crush.
Although this exact same behaviour can sometimes be displayed in a marriage, it usually evolves slightly in a marriage where the woman is unhappy. She’ll compare you with other husbands, people at work and joint friends. This will go on for some time until she’s emotionally cheating. Usually, this is where the comparing will stop and she may only talk about “the guy.” Once she’s physically cheating, she’s likely to stop talking about him.
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Until next week,